-In this reality, I’m past puberty and still get pimples so I’m gonna make like Prez Nixon and try to cover that shit up
-I’m going out tonight and still insist on wearing the same all-black ensemble every time so I’m gonna have to up the notch here a little before people start asking questions…
The Hunger Games totally freak me out but I kind of want to watch the second one ‘cause dat JLawwwwwwwwwwww
View of Dresden by Moonlight (detail)
Johan Christian Dahl
Oil on canvas
this never gets old
Rehabilitating penguins wearing sweaters
-“I’m not bleeding, you are” *stabs with shank you keep in garter, laughing*
-Open Mouth, Eat Whole, with Diet Coke and cheese fries on the side thank you burp burp
-Turn Around, Walk Away, Press Button That Triggers Explosion While You Walk Away
-Grabs ear, drags to authority figure, scolds…
thats a good way to see it
I REALLY REALLY just want to cuddle again.
I always listen to this song on Ben’s Soundcloud. I bet like half of the plays are from me.
It’s so simple, so…. plain - in that sense that it’s unornamented and maybe pure?
Pure lovely sound, pure lovely nights, pure love of life.
I miss college so much. I miss bonfires, I miss smiles, I miss unsurpressed feelings floating in the night sky. I miss the stars, I miss the stars and their almost-eerie glow upon the forest floor. I miss the flicker of fire-light upon people’s faces. I miss intoxicated singing, I miss the weird confidence that bonfires gave me - I was not the queen for nothing!
I miss open mics. I miss wondering if any of Ben’s songs could be about me, somehow - even though I always knew they really weren’t.
I miss the first night I spent with him. I miss him hugging me… the strength of him arms was so wonderfully startling - and waking up next to his giant goofy grin - that smile made me melt, for sure. Even if a week later I was heartbroken because it didn’t mean anything in terms of developing a romantic relationship - the night was so wonderful, young, and free. No sex - just closeness. Just bodies together, appreciating the existence of the other.
Somehow, I miss the pain of being alive, of knowing that you’re totally crazy about someone who isn’t interested in a relationship. Somehow, it seems to be more than the blank emptiness that’s been plaguing me recently. My brain is going crazy - see now there’s three people instead of just two. Well, it’s sort of just two.
There’s the original guy who I’ve liked for quite some time. But he doesn’t have time for me, and I pretty much have to shut myself off from him emotionally to not be too attached to him. I am too sad if I let myself like him as much as I would like to. This is not good. I miss him so much, though. He is really a great person, just too busy for me…
There’s the second guy who I think is absolutely wonderful - but is probably more afraid of girls than small children are of their shadows. And furthermore, I don’t know if he even likes me, and it’s like pulling teeth to ask! So I think for now we shall remain close friends. I do really enjoy us being that. I don’t know, though. Things could be amazing if they ever grew out of friendship.
NUMBER THREE is a new entry. He has liked me for quite some time. He finally decided to talk to me last week. He makes me super giddy and makes me smile like crazy and I even made him a friendship bracelet. ALAS we talked a lot for a few days and now he is busy and stressed and I’m always the one texting him even though I told him if he texts me just to say hi that’s fine! ARGH! See, I really like this guy. Think he’s wonderful. So wonderful - so cute - so goofy - so excitable. Very compatible with my personality. He also cooks! FOOD YES GOOD. I’m just scared he’s also not going to have time for me. Like - I don’t even require that much attention. I mostly will be happy with a “HI I THINK YOU’RE GREAT” text once a day maybe… or something. I dunno. I wrote him a sonnet, too. I think that I was so excited to actually have a person tell me they like me… to notice the things I do, and to appreciate them. He really is so sweet, I just don’t want to send him this bracelet and sonnet if he is going to disappoint me as well. I don’t know if he will. I don’t think he will because I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I’ve listened to Ben’s song like four or five times now. I miss him so much.
My brain is falling in love with everyone and exerting itself in too many ways to develop real, true, happy feeling for anyone. Sometimes I feel like my heart just doesn’t want to work sometimes.
Guess I’m going to bed now! Bonne nuit, Tumblr.
Let’s hope a week from now I post a super-excited post about something. I really need some happiness to land on my doorstep!